Did You Know Breastfeeding Ruins Marriages?

At least that is what this Rabbi dude believes. He wrote an absolutely horrific sexist article on the negative impact breastfeeding has on marriages.

The entire article can be read here, but here are some specific excerpts from "Moms, Don't Forget To Feed Your Marriages" that particularly perturbed and offended me.

"...I said, her obsession (of breastfeeding her son at 11 months) had turned one of her most attractive body parts into a feeding station, an attractive cafeteria rather than a scintillating piece of flesh."

Obsession? How about primal instinct given to her from GOD to feed her child?! Is a cow obsessed? Is a cat obsessed? And scintillating piece of flesh? How about a body part that belongs to a woman. She isn't your slave. She is a person. And breastfeeding at 11 months is horrific to him. The AAP says to breastfeed until 12 months, WHO says until 2 at LEAST. 11 months is not unnatural or unheard of. What an amazing mom.

"...I make the point that infidelity is primarily a sin of omission rather than commission. It is not the bad thing you do that destroys a marriage, but all the good that you fail to do, preoccupied as you are with a sinful relationship that diverts your attention away from your spouse. "

Breastfeeding makes Christopher jealous sometimes. Jealous that he can't feed his son, NOT that his son is using my breasts. I am NOT cheating on my husband and our marital sexual relationship by feeding my son, and if you think I am, you are DISGUSTING and should PROBABLY speak to someone about this.

"I am surprised that when scientists discuss all the benefits of breast-feeding, they neglect its most negative consequence. If breast-feeding gets in the way of the marriage........the child will probably end up worse off, however many colds or bouts with diarrhea he now avoids."

Diarrhea? Colds? I think you might be referring to Rotavirus and Pertussis which kills hundreds of babies a year. No, breastfeeding may not be THE answer to a lot of these cases, but I bet it is for some. I think you'd rather your wife feed your child the way God intended it than saying a prayer to Him at your baby's funeral.

"I would take the diarrhea and cough any day over the permanent sense of brokenness that affects children of divorce."

I think the guilt of the knowledge that you could have possibly saved your child's life by not being an arrogant selfish chauvinistic pig would break your marriage worse than letting your wife use HER breasts to do what they were predestined to do...

"In the end, there are two effects of breast-feeding that we often refuse to acknowledge. One is the de-eroticization of a woman's body, as her husband witnesses one of the most attractive parts of her body serving a utilitarian rather than romantic purpose."

Ummmm... A utilitarian? Last time I checked my breasts were made to produce milk. They have these super cool things called glands that MAKE MILK (how amazing, really) and awesome things called nipples that fit ever so perfectly into a baby's mouth that have DUCTS in it for milk to come out of. Wow. Dang right it's utilitarian.

"I believe that wives should cover up, even when they nurse their babies in their husband's presence."

No words.

"I believe this same problem comes up when men witness childbirth up close..... That is just too erotic a part of a wife's anatomy for it to become a mere birth canal."

Okay, so unfortunately I was not able to have a normal child birth and push Austin out of my MERE BIRTH CANAL. But this still offends me. Do you even have the brain capacity to realize the huge amount of work that a woman goes through for TEN MONTHS to grow a baby and the sheer labor (hence the term LABOR) to bring him into the world? That is NOT MERE. This is BEYOND sexist. Sometimes I can take the whole breast=sex thing with rolled eyes and an ignorance plea, but SERIOUSLY? Not this one. Mere? I wish that this rabbi could for one SECOND feel the absolute sheer pain, stress, emotion, EVERYTHING that goes into birthing a baby. Mere. You have GOT to be kidding me! I'm so annoyed by this statement. I didn't get to use my MERE birth canal for birthing my baby and yes I am disappointed. I didn't get to do what a woman is supposed to do. I thank God every day that my son is here safe and sound and that cesareans are possible in this day and age, but yes if I could have chosen the end, I would have used my mere birth canal at 40, 42 weeks. Don't call it mere. Mere. What if I called your penis MERE? Because all it's there for is to get pleasure, right? You aren't supposed to use it to rid your body of toxins. No, that's so mere. You get yours, but the female race will just sit back and be your mere play thing. (I never realized what a feminist I am...)

"I agree that breast-feeding is usually the best thing for a baby. But the principal form of marital breakdown in our time is a loss of erotic desire between husband and wife, and if couples find that breast-feeding is adding to a sense of alienation, there is always the bottle."

Usually? No, it IS the best. And no you don't agree that breastfeeding is best for baby. Because if you did, you would be behind it 100%. I understand that marriage should be the first concern and children second. I get that. I don't always follow it, but you know what? My baby is an innocent little being that can not fend for himself. In a couple of years, I'm all yours hubby. But until my child can make himself a bowl of cereal or a PB&J, I'm all he has. And I will feed him and I will put his needs at the top of my list. You're a big boy Rabbi. You can stop being selfish for a total of 2 years for your children. You say that a healthy marriage is the most important thing for your children? I totally agree. But you know what else is important? Learning to not be judgmental, to not be selfish, to SHARE. I bet you teach your children to share their toys don't you? Then share the boobs dude. The boobs that don't even belong to you.

Someone on Twitter suggested we send positive feedback to the rabbi. I didn't sent him the above rant, but I did let him know how I felt.

I am sorry you have such a poor outlook on breastfeeding and marriage. My husband respects me MORE as woman for the way that I am nurturing our FAMILY by feeding my son the way that GOD intended. He knows that this is a short short time and my son will only need my breasts for a year, possibly two. He will have me the rest of our lives. Breastfeeding is represented MANY times in the Bible (old testament...) and is a wonderful pure act. It saddens me that there are men (and women) in this world that are hung up on breasts being sexual only. If a marriage fails due to breastfeeding, there are obviously underlying issues that occurred before the baby was even born and somehow have been manifested in breastfeeding and blame given to the woman doing what her body is predestined to do. I know you said you'd rather have diarrhea than be divorced, but would you rather your children die than have an unhealthy marriage? Marriages can be rebuilt, but a baby can not be resurrected. I assume you are referring to Rotavirus which kills many babies a year and could be prevented a hundred times over by exclusively breastfeeding. I would imagine the pain and guilt of my child dying from a disease that I may have been able to prevent would cause a much heavier burden on my marriage than letting my baby borrow my breasts a few times a day for two years. I pray that one day no one is so judgmental about the natural and nonsexual way women are feeding their children.

I have never been such a feminist before, but he disgusts me with this! Women are not mens' little sexual play things, and that is what he is "preaching" in this article. He acts like he is in such a higher class than women and children. Like we should bow to him and do what he wants us to do. My husband was even disgusted by this guy. Why is he so selfish and sexist? Is he that sex obsessed? I honestly can not wrap my head around this man's thinking.

I am so upset and disappointed in people sometimes it just has made me angry. I am sorry if this post was too ranty for you, but thankfully I have an outlet for my feelings and a place to shout to women that breastfeeding is NOT BAD! I wish people would realize that it is perfect and wonderful and to stop being so RUDE. It also hurts my feelings because when people make negative comments about breastfeeding I feel like they are making direct negative comments to me and about my baby. And do NOT mess with me, and especially my baby!

*I am in no way shape of form judging families who formula feed. I know there are situations where this is necessary, and situations when women are BOOBY TRAPPED into believing it's wrong or too hard and don't have the necessary outlets for help or information. This article is exactly why so many woman don't breastfeed and it needs to be stopped.

Please Read Part Two HERE (Where the Rabbi "apologizes")

& Part Three HERE (where I'm not so angry & summarize my feelings)

The Nursing In Public War

Excuse me for a second. Gotta grab my soapbox...

K I'm back. Here we go.

I nurse Austin in public. If he's hungry, he's going to eat.

There are tons of people on Twitter that will say "OMG this woman is breastfeeding her baby in public SO GROSS" or "go in the bathroom!" or "at least cover with a blanket!" or other similar ignorant comments. Just yesterday, may be the day before, a blogger from Better Homes and Gardens wrote a post on the 10 Commandments on Taking Kids Out To Eat and one of them was "Thou shalt not breastfeed at the table." She then continued on by saying "if at all possible, go to the ladies room." The editor removed the breastfeeding commandment after 1000 of us bombarded her with comments, and she apologized. (Natalie however, copied and pasted the entire article on her blog. You can read it here, and I do not take responsibility for her language bahahaha). I even had one of Christopher's friends tell me I couldn't feed Austin in public, covering me with a napkin. His girlfriend had more breast showing than I did. Facebook continually deletes pictures of mothers breastfeeding and suspends numerous accounts for it.

Really.

1. Breasts were made for babies. Breasts make milk. That milk is to feed babies so that they grow and HOPEFULLY not turn out to be rude and ignorant. End of story.

2. You can't tell that I am feeding Austin. If you can tell, you're looking way too hard, and you have a problem, and need to stop staring. If you have a problem with my breastfeeding in public, then DON'T LOOK. Don't want to see my boobs? DON'T LOOK. Turn your head, continue on with your dinner and let my baby enjoy his without your eyes buring holes into the back of his head.

3. Pull up Facebook. Pull up People.com. Drive down the interstate and look at the billboards. I bet you ONE MILLION IMAGINARY INTERNET DOLLARS that there will be more cleavage shown than you can EVER see on a breastfeeding mother. I also bet you that you will see pictures of woman in bikinis that barely cover their orifices. But DEAR GOD feeding a baby with NO SKIN showing is so absolutely offensive.

This is completely acceptable.

And this absolutely not?

America- You are over-sexed. Get your head out of the gutter and stop looking at boobs on the internet and stop looking at mine.

4. Jesus was breastfed. Moses was breastfed by a wet nurse. There are thousands of images & sculptures of Mary nursing Him, and even a couple with a saint nursing from her as well (I think that is supposed to be metaphorical). So she MUST have breastfed in public, right?! This painting hands in the VAITCAN. I mean, how much more public can you get?

Look at fat breastfed baby Jesus lolol so chunky ;)

And check this out. You'd never know she was breastfeeding if little Jesus wasn't being so mischievous, looking around... Boys are so easily distracted... ;) BTW nice nursing top Virgin Mary! I bet she didn't have to pay an arm and a leg for that at Motherhood either...

There are numerous references to breastfeeding in the Bible. This website is a very interesting read if you are in the mood!

5. I would like for you to take your plate, go to the bathroom, sit down on the floor, put the plate on the toilet seat, and eat your meal. Oh and look, the person who used this toilet before you sprinkled on the seat. Someone in the stall next to you had bad Taco Bell last night and someone on the other side is pregnant and experiencing her morning sickness in the evening. YUMMY! Sounds appetizing right?! Bathrooms are made for stool, urine, and vomit. It is not a place to eat. I would never expect you to eat in a bathroom and you should never expect my baby to either.

6. I don't use a cover. I don't like them. They're too hot and they're SUCH a pain. They get in the way and I can't see the baby, and honestly, I think I've shown more using one than not. Some babies WON'T nurse with a cover on. Austin doesn't really care because he is his father's son and will eat anywhere and anything (EXCEPT a toilet, I won't have it ;)), but I don't like it. If you want to use one, that's fine, if you're more comfortable doing it that way, but I'm just not. I have covered up before (like I've explained before, in front of teen boys at church, etc) but that's it.

7. Would you rather hear my screaming hungry baby? Or may be something like this is better?

8. I am protected by law. Most states have a law protecting breastfeeding mothers, stating breastfeeding is legal wherever mother and baby are allowed to be. And if you say I can't, you're breaking the law. I don't think there is anything else that I need to say about that.

Most comments I see are from men who have the wrong impression of breasts (for sex only) or young ignorant teens/young adults. I know because I was there once, and thankfully I changed. We need to make sure that breastfeeding in public is done more. It obviously isn't seen as the norm, and it is absolutely 100% the normal way to feed a baby! It is the way that God intended it! Women's bodies automatically do it no matter what. Nothing is wrong with it, and we need to re-normalize it so that I shouldn't have to make up words like "lact-haters", much less they exist ;)

Anyone need to borrow this soap box? I think I'm done...

The Power Of Twitter

Some people say "I don't GET Twitter." I thank Twitter every single day for the major support I have received. I know for a FACT I wouldn't be breastfeeding today if it weren't for Twitter, amongst other things.

I have found this new world of women, moms, on Twitter. Breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping moms. They have helped me so tremendously. I really owe A LOT to them.

I almost quit breastfeeding when I finally came home from the hospital with Austin. I was having to EP (exclusively pump) because I was still giving him fortified breast milk in the bottle. I was stressed being home with him by myself, I had a new non-hospital grade pump, I was exhausted, I was everything a new mommy is, plus so so scared not being dependant on a nurse or monitor to tell me how the baby was.

I was SO mad at the pump. I was plugged into the wall, it was hurting, Austin was awake (something he wasn't much at the beginning) and I couldn't play with him, and my supply was zilch. My mom said that she and my dad thought I should just stop, I was too upset and my being depressed wasn't worth it. I tweeted that I was going to just quit.

I had dozens and dozens of moms write me. They tweeted me, they commented my blog, they hunted down my email and emailed me. They reminded me it's never easy at first, breastmilk is the most nutritious meal for my baby, and once I got to breastfeed and get off that awful pump, all of my hard work would be worth it. I was amazed by the empowering support I got from women I didn't even know. I kept pumping, and that night when Austin was still hungry after his bottle, I nursed him and I realized they were all right. It was the most amazing experience and I would do anything to breastfeed my boy, even if it meant pumping for a few more weeks.

Breastfeeding isn't easy, especially at the beginning. It's scary and difficult. Is the baby getting enough? Is he gaining weight? Should I supplement? Every question I had was answered. I was getting to weigh Austin weekly at Best Fed Baby at Trident hospital, he seemed content after each meal, and no I should not supplement or my supply will never catch up to my baby. I had a lot of frustration with my shield the lactation consultant gave me, and women on Twitter supported me by saying "this too shall pass", reminding me it wouldn't be forever, and offering their horror stories. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one in the world!

Not only have I learned a ton, but I gained the confidence through twitter alone to NIP (nurse in public). WITHOUT those covers. Those covers a pain in the butt. I don't like to use them. I have no problem feeding my son in public. It's a baby eating its food. If you have a problem seeing breasts in public, then you should relearn the uses of the breast. I always wear a nursing tank top under my shirts. I just raise my shirt and lower the little part on the tank top. Austin's head is right in front at all times, and I'm about 99% sure no one has ever been able to see anything, even if they were staring. Christopher didn't even KNOW I was feeding Austin multiple times. People have no idea. You only bring attention to yourself when you try to hide it. If you LIKE the covers that's one thing, that's fine. But I don't. So I won't use it! I did at first to gain some confidence, and then through listening to women on Twitter talk about NIP, I realized I had nothing to hide! I feel very liberated!

There is an amazing site I have linked here about Booby Traps. I had no one help me breastfeed. I had an LC (lactation consultant) and Twitter. I had some friends who breastfed, but it wasn't really on my top list of things to talk about. I just became very confident in my nursing. Best For Baby has an amazing site about the Booby Traps we face, trying to make NIP NORMAL like it SHOULD be, and giving breastfeeding a makeover! If you are pregnant PLEASE read this! It will help you make that amazing important decision about breastfeeding!

I swore I'd never ever sleep with my baby. I was sure I'd roll over and squish him. But I am coming out of the co-sleeping closet. I am a co-sleeper, and I am proud. I have done some research, and did you know, more babies die alone in their crib than any baby in bed with mom and dad. The only family bed deaths basically are when the parents are intoxicated, unaware, or the bed is not safe (excess pillows, blankets, etc). I have an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper and Austin sleeps in there and in the bed with me. He sleeps better, I sleep better, it's easier to breastfeed in the middle of the night... Babies weren't designed to sleep alone. They stop breathing and their heart rhythms change throughout the night in slumber. There is a hormonal connection between a mother and her breastfed baby that connect the breaths and helps baby learn to breathe, and if the baby is in any type of distress, the mother will wake up. It's amazing how God works. CIO (crying it out) has now been proven to lower serotonin levels which is being linked to SIDS, as well as brain damage. Why in the world you would leave a NEWBORN that knows NOTHING other than "mom" or "no mom" is beyond me. When a baby is older I can see putting him down and making him learn on his own, but a NEWBORN?! They don't understand! They are scared and alone, and you're just making it worse.

I found these articles and support through the Twitter world as well. If I didn't tweet that desperate plea about NEVER getting sleep and being up and down all night long with Austin in a standard bassinet, I would have probably pulled all of my hair out. I got a lot of researched information, proven facts, and quiet nights.

Babies Are Not Designed To Sleep Alone

Dangers of Leaving A Baby To Cry It Out

Where Should Babies Sleep At Night

10 Reasons To Sleep By Your Child

Tons more articles HERE

Thanks to @drmomma for the great blog with amazing articles!

I also have gotten spades of cloth diapering tips, tricks, and help from Twitter. I've talked to the creator of Bumgenius herself (@bumgenius, @cottonbabies) and she has taken the time to help me personally with some questions I was having! She even talked to me today about a question I had! I've even had moms GIVE me diapers from Twitter! I've now gotten two other moms to start cloth diapering their newborns born around the time Austin was. They love it, which they should because it's awesome. (Hi @mommurray & rigatormom!). I found my current AMAZING detergent through Twitter (@RockinGreenSoap), won a Banana Bottoms diaper through Twitter (@bananabottoms) and a diaper sprayer from @TheCDReport.

I learned about a very very special little baby girl named Cora. She was born a few days after Austin. I remembered reading her mom's tweets about her birth while I was pumping in the hospital for Austin. One night @kristinebrite wrote the Tweet no one should EVER have to write. Her little baby girl passed away at 5 days old. Kristine later found out that Cora had a Congenital Heart Defect, the #1 birth defect. #1 birth defect? Bet you didn't know that. Neither did I. And 50% of those cases can be caught with a simple teeny tiny pulse ox test. You know, those annoying things the nurses do 12987209834 times on your finger while you're in the hospital? Yeah, those. They don't do them on our babies. And our babies go home with undetected heart defects. PLEASE visit Kristine and Cora's blog. Kristine is doing the most AMAZING job in raising awareness.

I'm going to give a shout out to everyone who has helped me. It's a lot and KNOW I am going to miss someone. I'm sorry & I love YOU the most ;)

@hautesinglemama, @keepemcookin, @TheCDReport, @that_danielle, @NewMomJD, @thebluemoongirl, @SylkoZakur, @CrunchyNurse, @3kiddosunder4, @mommatokmhs, @ashhan123, @holleeinbalance, @myniftynappy, @cottonbabies, @bumgenius, @heartsandhandss, @jdruit, @AppleCheeksDipe, @fentonslee, @wonderkarin, @pattiliciouz, @mandyw526, @earth_mommy, @flwrbtt, @moshermama, @clairelouise2, @marfmom, @havenlilliana, @twomomsandababy, @soapsuds, @mamacavy, @angeliotum, @rigatormom, @mommurray, @radicalactivist, @tryitmom, @induetime, @thehappyhours, @MeMo07, @sbeecreations, @posielove, @andyparas, @esteelavitt, @ilovemonty, @granolamom, @naptimemama, @thechattymomma, @kerisma, @bananabottoms, @butifulmess, @carfreemama, @danielleb1221, @robinpregnancy, @theecochic, @rockingreensoap, @spiffybex, @dragondream, @bambimomio, @mylarose24, @smilyg, @rgnaturalbabies,

Ugh and I can only get to February 7th in my replies. I would actually pay real life money to know the girls that tweeted my not to quit pumping the day I wanted to quit!

Not only have I gotten great help I've won tons of stuff :) I've met amazing people who I cal true friends!