Thoughts of Baby Belly

Let me say this NOW- I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER BABY. That might change in 5-10 years, but at the moment I DO NOT WANT MORE THAN ONE CHILD. I am an only child and I love it. I love Austin and I don't want to share that love with anyone else, even though I know I'd love the next just as much. But he's my world and all I ever wanted.

I also hated being pregnant 89% of the time. I had a rough start to the pregnancy (losing Austin's twin at 8 weeks) and started having consistent Braxton Hicks at 15 weeks all the way until 34 weeks when they finally started to put him into distress. I threw up all the time. I pulled over on the side of the road more times than you can imagine. I literally crawled from my bed to the bathroom and back a few nights because my sciatica was so awful I literally couldn't move my leg or put weight on it, and involuntarily screamed when I lifted it to get into bed. I had to prop myself with 7 pillows and a heating pad every night for my sciatica and back pain. And I won't even start on how awful and zapped of energy I was the ENTIRE. TIME. My hair and skin glowed at the beginning, but toward the end my hair stopped growing, it wasn't shiny, and I was just a pale puffy face.

And I felt so absolutely insanely guilty and sad about that. I wanted to be pregnant SO BAD my ENTIRE LIFE. I always wanted to be the cute pregnant girl and have the cute belly and glow and be gorgeous and have luxurious hair and have the cutest clothes and have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I tried for a year and a half and lost 2 babies. I wanted this SO BAD! And I still had infertile friends that were reading my tweets about being miserable. I tried really hard to not post things like that, but sometimes I just couldn't help it. It was awful.

Once I had Austin it became apparent that his placenta was... well... sorry to be crass, but it was crap. It was small, shredded, and obviously was not sustaining Austin anymore, hence the distress. It was why I lost the twin, and it was why I felt awful the entire pregnancy. But it was a bit of a blessing to me to find that all out. No longer did I feel guilty about hating being pregnant. Everyone who told me that it was all normal and I was being a baby were wrong. There was a legitimate reason that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I know that another pregnancy could be absolutely 100% totally different, but I never want to be pregnant again. What if it's not?! I finally got what I want, and I'm totally done. I don't want two more of my babies to die. I don't want to have that heartbreak ever ever ever again. I don't want to take pregnancy test after pregnancy test for 17 months ever ever ever again. I don't want to look at the clock and realize that I haven't felt the baby move in 2 hours and assume he must be dead. I don't want to wake up from a scary dream that my baby died, grab my doppler, and hold my breath until I hear his heartbeat. I don't want to close my eyes and BEG God every time I get an ultrasound until I hear the heartbeat. I just don't want to.

But sometimes I forget all of that.

One of the most amazing moments in my entire LIFE was feeling Austin move in my belly. When it first happened and only I could feel it I felt so elated like I was so privileged. I had this secret, and no one else knew it. It was something special that only me and MY BABY had, and no one else knew about it. When he would wiggle I would smile. Every. Time. (except at night when I was trying to sleep, but we're forgetting about that right now, remember..?) I took so many videos of elbows and feet sticking out of my belly. Austin moving in my tummy is probably the most miraculous thing I will ever experience in my life.

For a few weeks after I had him I would have "phantom baby kicks" where I swear it felt like there was a baby kicking me. They've gone away now, thankfully, cause that was kinda weird... Sometimes when I look in the mirror I stick my belly out like I'm pregnant and rub it. I used to do that when I was trying to get pregnant and I would be sad, but this is different. I feel love when I do it now. It's really weird and embarrassing, and I'll be surprised if I hit "Publish" on this post. ;) When I do it to Christopher he says "DON'T even start THINKING about another baby. We're done!"

I loved the attention, because lets face it, I am an attention-whore. I loved when people asked what it was, how far along was I, etc etc. I was that cute pregnant girl. Even though I didn't feel like it, I looked like it! And like I mentioned in yesterday's post, my boobs were awesome!

Every week I got out What To Expect When Expecting and read what my Bumble B was doing new that week. What body part he had developed or what eyes he was blinking or what thumb he was sucking. There was a human in my belly and I loved it more than I thought imaginable.

And he was mine, and during those 7 months, he was mine alone. I knew him and I was the only one.

I never want to do it again, and even though I had a really rough time, I am so thankful that those happy times are burned into my brain. I will never forget when he moved in my belly. It is and will be one of my most favorite life memories.

And I am so thankful and blessed to have had it as GOOD as I did, because I know that there are pregnancies a LOT worse than mine was, and babies that are sick. My 34 weeker did amazing. I look at other 34 weekers and they go through so many more bumps than Austin did. We are absolutely healthy and happy.

Talking Monkeys With Lasers

So the other day I was stumped for a blog post. I usually am once I sit down to write. Every other second of the day I have ONE BAJILLION ideas. So I turned to Twitter and asked what I should write about. Natalie suggested Talking Monkeys With Lasers.

So... I don't really know what to say about that. Did Planet Of The Apes have laser guns???

What do you write about when you're fresh out of ideas? Do you just blog about your day? My day was kinda boring...

I stayed up way too late last night on my new-to-me laptop (like I am tonight...). So when 7am rolled around this morning and Austin woke up (even though he went to bed at 9 instead of 7... whatev) I was soooooo tired. Plus my migraine from yesterday and Saturday still wasn't shaken. So we got up. Watched Baby Einstein's Baby Monet (Austin's new favorite. He LOOOOVES those puppets! Is there a DVD with just puppet shows?!?!). We both took a nap, and then another nap. I'm loving our new nap-in-the-bed routine because usually once I slow down long enough I get some shut eye also. I did some diaper laundry, baby laundry, clipped Austin's nails....

So boring sorry.

Christopher got home and scraped up 75 cents in nickels, dimes, and pennies. He drove to the small health food store at the corner and got 3 quarters for our quarters-only apartment Coke machine (DUMB. What is THAT about?!) and got me a Diet Coke for the head. Love. Him (most of the time).

Then... all Hell broke loose. Austin has been fussy today. Well, then fussy didn't come close to explaining it. His gums are obviously bothering him. I rubbed them and he'd stop crying. He was trying to shove everything in his mouth. He is NOT a happy boy. I finally couldn't take it anymore and sent Christopher to Wal-Mart for some baby Tylenol, since you know, all of our 34 bottles (okay, 2) have been recalled. I was cussing Tylenol and then myself for not getting a new bottle BEFORE I needed it. Christopher came home with some generic grape. Yum! But, not after the text "I'd like to thank Kate for sending me to Wal-Mart at 6:30pm." Hehe.

Then he would not nurse. He's been pooping a lot today (due to the teething I suppose, also leaving him a nasty teething diaper rash) and spitting up. I was getting worried he'd get dehydrated so I gave him a sippy cup with cold ice water. He drank. and drank. Then nursed (yaay!) then drank MORE water, then nursed again. I think the cold water and nipple of the sippy cup must have felt good!

Where did my baby go?!?! He drank from a SIPPY CUP! AGH! I figured I try it instead of a bottle. Might as well since he hasn't had a bottle in 4 months and we'd be starting with a sippy cup soon anyways. Seemed to work great. Glad to see I won't have a problem leaving him with Christopher whenever I get around to pumping.

Sex And The City 2 comes out in 10 (almost 9, since it's 11pm...) days and Eclipse is out in a month and a half (little less) and I'm taking the opportunities to get a baby break and see some friends and see my movies I'm DYING to see! It's been 6 months, I think it may be time to get out! Now I just need a date... ;)

We also got Cora's Bracelet in the mail! I had NO IDEA they made these for little people!!! To read more about Cora, CHD, and her fabulous mom who is using Cora's legacy to save lives, visit Kristine's blog here! Also, Baby Dickey is having a fundrasier for Cora's Story. Every $1 buys you a "raffle ticket" to win some AWESOME prizes! So please head over and make a difference in a heart baby's (& his/her families'!) life!

4 Months!

I can't believe Austin is 4 months old! He is getting so big!

Things Austin loves...

-Standing

-Toys

-Pushing his pacy back in his mouth

-Snapping

-Poot noises (Such a boy)

-Kissy noises

-Applecheeks cloth diapers

-Snuggling with mommy

-Boobies

-Not napping

-Superman game

-TV (seriously. it's bad. out of control.)

-Belly laughing

-Making silly faces

-Car rides

-Green lights (DON'T stop. Or else.)

-Kisses

-Grandma's swing

-Mommy's singing voice (crazy kid...)

-To be held all the time (Fine with me!)

-His new Beco ;) (Thanks Joanna!)

I talked to Time as did Mandy, but he didn't listen. I want him to STOP! Austin is getting too big. I want him to stay my little baby nursling for as long as possible!

At his 4 month appointment today he did so great. He got two shots and I'm still a little heartbroken and will never forget that cry... He is in the 5th percentile for height, 10th for weight, and 50th for head circumference. LOL. A BIT proportional, but he's GROWING! & at least he's out of the less than 3 percentile. I don't know WHY they have him a term chart to begin with, but oh well. Someone's gotta hold down 5%, and who better than my gorgeous baby boy?!

Wordless Wednesday

2 Months Old

Yesterday Austin turned 2 months old! It's so hard to believe that he's getting so big!

He had his 2 month appointment at the pediatrician's office. I really really wrestled with what to do about vaccinations. I want him to have them all, but I was (am) very worried about his small little body handling all of them at once. But I also didn't want to drag them out, I wanted to get them all done at once so he wouldn't have to go through all those sticks so many times.

I finally just decided to go with all three shots. Some argue that Hep B is an STD, but I have always understood it not to be, that sex is just the easiest way to transmit it, and if someone with Hep B leaves any trace of blood from a cut or mucous, someone could touch it & then their mouth, and then the rest is potentially devastating history. Austin already had the first shot at the hospital. When I was being wheeled to the OR the nurses were shoving papers at me to sign. Consents, etc. They handed me the sheet on the Hep B shot. I had not researched it yet, and I didn't know what to do. I asked everyone what they would do and they said they'd sign it, so I just did. Had I thought about it, I probably wouldn't have signed it. At that point I thought Austin just weighed 3 pounds. I can't imagine a vaccine being safe for him. Thankfully he is fine. So I decided to finish it because I don't want Austin with Hep B and he already started it... I did put off the Rotavirus oral immunization because he is stuffy. The pediatrician said he'd be fine, but I felt really really uneasy about it, so I put it off.

Of course he cried when he got the shots. Real tears too. It was heartbreaking. He calmed down when I picked him up and I immediately nursed him. I was so sad for him. He then went to sleep in the car and napped for a long time.

Then, he woke up. And cried. And cried. And cried. It was the saddest cry I ever heard. I gave him some Tylenol and rocked him in the recliner and cried with him. It was much harder watching him be in pain and not feel well than those days in the NICU. At least then he wasn't sick or feeling bad. Finally at about half an hour it kicked it, and he was old Austin again. He continued to be a little fussy here and there the rest of the day, but all night he was fine and today he has been great!





It was really hard watching him get those shots and even harder to listen to his crying, but I know it'd be a million times harder watching him be really really sick. Being a mommy is hard. Making these kinds of decisions and doing these things because I know I need to is hard. But worth it!

By the way, Austin weighed in at 8lbs 12oz & 21 inches long!

Please click this banner to vote for Baby Bumble B in the Top Mommy Blogs! Thanks!

Wordless Wednesday

Who do YOU think Austin looks like?!



Grandpa? Me too...

The Kind Of Mommy I Am

When I decided what kind of mom I wanted to be, I just listed off things I like. I like to hold my baby, I like cloth diapers, I think slings are cool, and breastfeeding is really cheap.

I love holding Austin. I tried a year and a half to get pregnant with him, lost 2 babies, feared my entire pregnancy that I would lose him, had to leave him in the Level 2 NICU for 2 weeks... Why in the WORLD would I ever put him down? You can't spoil a newborn right?!
Consider Austin the most spoiled rotten little cutie you have ever seen in your life... But I don't care. I spoiled him and I will continue to. He's going to be 40 weeks this week, he's allowed to be born now, so may be I'll stop carrying him since my uterus isn't supposed to be anymore! Or may be I'll just keep waiting for Christopher to get home to shower and brush my teeth ;)

I love cloth diapers. They are cheap. They are super duper cute. I don't know why everyone doesn't use them... Throw them in the washing machine at dinner, hang them up to dry over night... Done... So easy. It's not like I'm doing anything but holding Austin all day anyways! I have time for one extra load of laundry every 1-2 days!

I love slings. I hate those stupid bulky heavy infant carriers. I love holding my baby (as discussed above...) so my Baby K'Tan sling is perfect. It keeps my little man snuggled up to me and keeps us both pretty warm! It's so easy in the store and I can cover his face so that he doesn't get germs. People don't ask to hold him when he's in it, and if they were to and I didn't want them to, I could say "sorry it's really hard to get him in and out" (which it is kinda) (BTW this is for back when he was really early and I was more afraid of germies than I am now!). There are a few other baby carriers out there that I long for, but for now my Baby K'Tan is perfect!

Here I go, I will admit it... I did NOT want to breastfeed. I thought it was weird. I thought something sucking on my breasts was going to be odd and strange. I decided halfway through my pregnancy that I would give it a try. Why in the world would I turn something down without trying, especially since it is FREE?! I went to a breastfeeding class and BAM I was sold. Watching those little babies nurse was so heart warming and gave me fuzzy wuzzys! When I had Austin and he was in the NICU pumping was all I could do for him. That was the only thing that I had that I could give him that no one else in that place could and it made me feel so incredibly special and like FINALLY I was helping him. When I look down and he's all droopy eyed, falling asleep, so content... My heart melts. I don't know what it is about it, but I really love it. Plus it's cheap, and I now weigh 10 pounds less than my prepregnancy weight, and I chalk it all up to breastfeeding!

So far everything I had hoped and wished for has worked out for us really well! There are labels I could use (attachment parenting, crunchy, etc) but instead I'd like to just be Katie, Austin's mommy!

In Bumble B news,
Austin is getting so big. He smiles and he squeals when he's excited. He squeals at me and Christopher when we're playing with him and tickling him and being silly, and he squeals at his seahorse. It's so so funny! He's a pretty happy baby. I wish more of his awake time was during the day and less the middle of the night. I feel bad for making him go to sleep or leaving him awake and going to sleep when he's wide awake, but what can ya do?

His eyes are getting bluer (I hope they stay!), he's smiling with gorgeous dimples, he has the most beautiful skin, he's picking his head up and turning it, he's grasping things, and his fingernails grow faster than anything I've ever seen!

Here is Austin talking to Mr. Fussels :)

Happy New Year!

2010 is here! I hope everyone had a really great new year. We rang in midnight at home in bed. Christopher was snoozing away and Austin gave me my midnight kiss after he was done eating. I celebrated on Twitter with all my Twitter gals!

Last Monday the doctor told us we could start breastfeeding and only do a couple fortified bottles a day. Last Wednesday (the day before Christmas Eve) we went to see the lactation consultant at the hospital and she got us on track. I eventually got on a schedule where Austin was getting a fortified bottle in the morning and in the evening. I was really scared that he would lose weight and I was very very anxious for this past Wednesday. I took him to the Best Fed Baby support group at the hospital to have him weighed. On December 22nd he was 5 pounds 11 ounces. The pediatrician said she would like to see him gain an ounce a day. So at the Best Fed Baby I was looking for 6 pounds 2 ounces. I really didn't think he would have done it. I saw a change in him overnight during his last growth spurt. I didn't see much change this week. Once we got little man on the scale, he proved to me to never underestimate him! He weighed in at a whopping 6 pounds 3 ounces! I am so proud of him! He is obviously getting enough to eat and not burning too many calories doing so! So now we are down to a bottle at night that his daddy gets to feed him and I pump. I'll go again next week to make sure he's gaining what he still needs to be!

I'm also looking to make my first big cloth diaper purchase. Cottonbabies has Bumgenious buy 5 get 1 free. Hopefully I can scoop some up before the offer is up! I really want to try Flips as well.The initial purchase is so much but I can't wait to start. I hate disposables. And half the time I change Austin and 2 minutes later I have to again! The Flips with just the changable inserts would be so awesome for times like those! Austin's butt is getting a lot bigger so it's almost time for him to start! I have some birthday and Christmas money that I hope to use on them very soon!

Austin wakes up ever 2-3 hours to eat. I am so so tired. We nap until 10ish usually in the morning. Yesterday we went to Target to get some wipes and things. I was exhausted! Getting him ready, everything ready, me ready, shopping with him, it's all very tiring. My sister in law could never stay home. She was always on the go. I have no clue how she did this. Going to Target has made me miserable for 2 days! Thinking about it- I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in a month. That is so crazy to think about. I'm surprised I am functioning at all! But I suppose you get used to it!

I love being Austin's mommy. He is so amazing. He is so funny. He's starting to talk and smile. When he's on his belly he is lifting his head and turning it the other way. He LOVES his little seahorse friend my mom gave him for Christmas. We named him Mr. Fussels because that is what I call Austin when he fusses.

We're Still Here!

Wow! It's been a long time since I have updated! We got home safely, but the internet on our Blackberries has been out now for almost 2 whole weeks at our house! Isn't that awful? It's starting to come back in sporatically, so hopefully I'll be able to update from it more often.
Austin is perfect. He never cries, he eats a TON, and we finally got the go ahead to start breastfeeding! He will still need a couple bottles of fortified breastmilk every day, but the majority of the time, he may nurse! I saw the lactation consultant today, and we are ready to roll!

A has been to the pediatrician twice now for weight checks. On Monday he was up to 5 pounds, 1o ounces! Great! He grew over night. Literally. One day some of his preemie clothes fit, the next day they didn't! One day his preemie diapers fit, the next they didn't! He is wearing some preemie and smaller newborn clothes now. His feet and head are still too small for hats and socks, so I try to use pants with feet and I have to roll all of his hats up! I'm not ready for him to grow up, but I am ready for him to be able to wear socks and hats and they not fall off every 5 seconds.

And I'm ready for that part when they sleep through the night. OMG. That's all I will say...

So for the most part, everything is perfect! I'm just exhausted! :)

We're Going Home!

YAAAY We're going home Friday! Austin has done swimmingly at holding his temp and gaining weight. He weighed 5lbs 15ozs tonight. My little boy is going to be 5 pounds! So crazy! I really need to be sleeping right now since it'll be the last night that I can. But I wanted to yell it from the roof tops! We're going home to start out lives as a new family together!

I won't have internet access much anymore. I've been using my mom's laptop here in the hospital. I plan on emailing in updates though, and I update my personal Twitter a lot. Like 100X a day. Please email me at katie@babybumbleb.com if you'd like that link!

I just can't believe it. God has truly blessed me and I am the LUCKIEST girl in the world. Thank you so much for your prayers and support. They mean the absolute WORLD to me!

Here is your daily Austin. Not the greatest pic, but let me explain! Marketing wanted to do some marketing/PR spots for the hospital with A's neonatologist Dr. Sheppard (amazing Dr. btw!) and he picked Austin to be in the pictures with him! This is a quick pic I took. A is in the isolette, Dr. Sheppard is crouched behind, and there is the phtographer! The pictures were AMAZING! Austin may be on a billboard soon! How exciting is THAT?!

Also, Patti at Crazy Lady Creations made me a new Baby Bumble B graphic for the blog! I'm sure you noticed the difference! Isn't it adorable? It was FREE and so easy to get! Just register for the site. They don't send any emails or bug you about anything! Then just send them your pics and they'll make whatever you want! They do way more than just siggies too. They do icons, stationary, websites, all KINDS of things! Please stop by if you're interested in some really cute personalized graphics. These girls are amazing!

Evicted!

Austin has been evicted from the isolette! He is now in an open crib.

Let me rewind a bit.

Yesterday Austin ate like a horse! He ate more than 2 ounces every feeding and gained 50 grams! He now weighs 2070 grams, or 4 pounds, 9 ounces. He's been keeping his temp up just fine, actually getting too hot. All day they lowered the temp in the isolette and finally after his last feeding they said we could leave him out! He's bundled up so so tight. His face is all scrunched up hes wrapped so tight!

He has been very awake and smiley! I just love him so much!

Please pray he continues to gain weight AND maintain his temperature at the same time. THAT is what is keeping him in the hospital. Like I said before (and a million times it seems! lol) he does NOT have to weigh a certain number. He just has to consistently gain weight whilst keeping a 98 body temperature.

I've been doing okay. I have had some fleeting chest tightness separation anxiety moments here and there. It's hard to believe that Austin is almost 2 weeks old and it feels like he isn't really MINE. I can't wait to take him home! What will I do with him!?

Your daily Austin fix!

Baby Steps

Bumble B and I are making baby steps.

A has gotten over his lazy feedings and is now eating between 50-70ccs a feeding (2 ounces is 60ccs)! He is so alert in the morning feeding (8am) and it's so cute to see the sweet funny faces he makes. It's nice that he's on such a great schedule. Once he gets bigger and healthier I probably won't be so lucky, but he's pretty predictable now. He always poops in the middle of a feeding, so he gets two diaper changes. One before and one during/after. The milk fortifier that is adding calories to the pumped breastmilk makes his poop stink though. Yuck! I'll be glad when it's just plan breastmilk again!

Yesterday A and my favorite nurse took care of him. She and the neonatologist said I could hold A as long as he was in his little bundle and up against me. He had 2 hats on, his pajamas, a long sleeve shirt under the pjs, blanket, and then snuggled with me under my fleece jacket. It was absolute bliss. I was the happiest girl on the face of the earth!

A lot of people have been telling me I needed to leave the hospital and do something. So Christopher and I went to Target. On the way out he said "Well I hope you don't burst into flames. He opened the door to the Jeep and said "Now this is an AU-TO-MO-BILE." When he turned on the radio he said "Now this is a radio. There are NOT more people in the car." Hehehe he makes me laugh!

I was good for a little while. Then halfway through Target I felt just completely and utterly depressed and DONE. I was ready to go back. We stopped to get chinese. Once we got back to the room I felt a little better. We ate and I went to my little man. That was not fun. I did it, and I won't again. I'm not leaving this parking lot without my baby again, at least not for longer than a couple minutes. It's so unnatural and was just really hard.

On a may be down note, A only gained 10 grams yesterday. He's gained 10, 40, 40, and then 10 again. I guess he was keeping himself warm a little while I was holding him. So it looks like the isolette treatment today. I told his nurse that I understand he needs to be in the isolette today, but I will hold him after his feedings until he falls asleep. Anyone that knows A knows that he only eats and sleeps. He falls asleep within 20 minutes of eating. I feel like I am abandoning him when I put him in the isolette still awake and I'm not holding him. I don't think that's too much to ask for, and so I made that clear this morning and his nurse seems fine with it.

Although he didn't gain much weight, he did keep his temp up. Plus when he was in the isolette, his temperature was in the 99s instead of the 98s. So he's maintaining his temp a little better and still gaining a little weight. I think that is a good baby step forward. I am looking forward to talking to the neonatologist today and talk to him about that and see if he agrees or if I'm being TOO optimistic...

I have something even BETTER than a dailt A pic. I have a VIDEO! Lucky duck ;) You'll probably figure out his name as well if you're smart enough lol

Ups & Downs

Sorry I skipped yesterday! I was so incredibly exhausted... I'm waiting now for midnight for A's next feeding and then I'm going to bed!

I'll start with the Downs since the Ups are so much more fun

• Yesterday I was told I couldn't hold A for more than 30 minutes to eat.
• Then it was shortened to 15 minutes
• Then I was told I couldn't even open the isolette and touch him
• I had a major meltdown in the nursery with tons of other parents in there. Ooops.
• I forgot to put the bottle on one of my pumps and pumped into my towel in my lap for 20 minutes
• I have a major migraine. I didn't have any while I was pregnant. Makes me miss being pregnant just for that reason... And no, hydrocodone doesn't touch it. Blah
• A patient on this floor screams all night.
• I accidentally pushed the bottle too far in A's mouth today and he threw up. A lot. Mom of the Year.
• Christopher worked Monday through today and still has to work tomorrow.
  

UPS!

• A has gained a total of 80 grams since my last post. He's now 4lbs 7ozs!
• A is eating so much better! He's had over 2 ounces all day!
• Yesterday was a much better day with that nurse
• Today we had our FAVORITE nurse, and she let me hold him all I wanted
• After I held him for 3 hours his temp was up almost a whole degree from 98.0 to 98.8
  
• Pumping is getting so much easier and I can go a little longer if needed and its not painful
• A's bilirubin is staying down
• A isn't getting as tired during his feedings
• Christopher only has to work for a couple hours tomorrow so he'll get to spend more time with A.
• Christopher HAS a job!
• I still have this awesome courtesy room and I'm so thankful to be close to my little man.
  
• I've had a lot of really sweet visitors and am really feeling the love from my friends and family.
  
• I had the cafeteria's chicken tenders today! Yum!
• I look thin ;) LOL
• We watched Home Alone on the TV
• The neonatologist is really confident about me being able to breastfeed before we go home! I hope she's right!
• God is great and is answering my prayers!
  
• I have the most beautiful baby and sweetest baby ever!

I've gotten the question When Can A Come Home? or How Much Does A Have To Weigh To Go Home? A LOT!
There is no set weight that has to weigh. He just needs to have enough fat to maintain his own temperature and not lose weight. He needs to stay in the 98s by himself without the help of the isolette. When we start weaning him out of it he can't lose any weight. Maintaining temperature uses his energy and calories so he needs fat.

Keep the prayers coming. They are doing amazing work! I am so happy to see my little man growing and thriving! Tomorrow I may venture outside of these hospital walls and hit up Target for some things I need! Wish me luck! LOL

Please vote for us in Top Baby Blogs. All you have to do is click this little button here! Thanks!

Jinx!

My skinny baby does not love to eat.

A would not eat at all today. We had to force feed him every time. His 5 oclock feeding he spit up a lot of and his 8 oclock feeding was a joke. He drank like half and the nurse had to force feed him. He's just sleeping through it. He doesn't want to wake up.

They have added a milk fortifier to his milk. It has 100 calories, which doesn't sound like much, but just imagine a 4 pound baby eating 100 extra calories! LOL. Hopefully that will help too.

It's been a GREAT day on the pumping front though. I'm pumping more and more milk and the time (pain, comfort) between sessions is becoming manageable. I'm making about 3 times more than he eats and I had to send 66 ounces home with my mom to freeze today because I filled up the nursery freezer!

I've heard that the NICU can be a rollercoaster. The neonatologist and some nurses told me things can go great and great and then one day it doesn't and it all changes. I was hoping this wouldn't happen. I was hoping we would be able to go home this weekend, but now we've been pushed back at least a day because today was so unproductive and if he lost more weight than we've gone back even more. He gained 10 grams yesterday, but I don't know how today will turn out.

I'm getting frustrated and trying so hard not to get upset when I do have A. I don't want to take the time we have together for granted. It's really hard to be down there and only be able to hold him long enough to feed him and be upset the whole time. Then I DO feel guilty because that IS my fault.

Anyways, thanks everyone for the continued support and prayers. They mean a lot to me. Knowing so many people love A is so so so special to me and really makes me feel so happy. I'm going to go down to the nursery in a bit to try another feeding and see what his new weight is.

Daily Bumble B, Saying Good Morning! He smiles when he sees me. I love it.

My Fat Baby Loves To Eat

Bumble B's bilirubin was 5 this morning! Praise the Lord! Thank y'all so much for all your prayers yesterday. Knowing so many people are praying for my little man is so incredibly amazing and humbling. It makes me so happy. And thanks for those spare prayers for myself. I have been much less emotional today. I could blame the hydrocodone, but I'm sure it was y'all ;)

So he is off of the light today. He did lose 2 more ounces however, which puts him at 4 pounds 3 ounces. Almost ALL newborns lose weight after birth, but for an 8 pound baby to lose 5 ounces is not as big as a 4 pounder. Baby is teetering toward 3 pounds, and we definitely don't want that. So today he was still in his isolette with the heat up. The temperature inside is 88.7 degrees F (thanks to a Twitter friend for that conversion! The isolette is in Celsius!).

He's also eating like CRAZY. So now we are just feeding him what he wants and not restricting it. Through some experimenting today we see that little B eats about 2 ounces! That's how much he lost last night, so I jokingly suggested to weigh him after he ate LOL. So we are feeding him lots so he gets some fat to keep his little body warm.

This kid loves eating. He eats so fast he forgets to breathe and we have to stop and make him catch his breath! I told him that this food isn't going anywhere, so slow down. He's done a little better about it the last 2 feedings. He's a great burper too, and poops as soon as he's done eating! Such an EASY baby so far. Hopefully he'll keep it up, but I'll try not to count on it ;)

We'll start breastfeeding later when he gets his weight on and he's about to come home. Breastfeeding will take more energy and burn calories and I want him to conserve all the energy he can for making fat. Some people have also asked me about his pacifier. This baby is still 34 weeks gestation. I am making him happy right now and keeping his vitals as high as possible so that he will finish growing and be able to come home to me. When he's home and stable, we'll talk, but for now, what makes Bumble B happy is exactly what we'll do. And if a pacifier while we're changing him waiting to feed him keeps him from burning 20 calories crying is what we need to do, that is exactly what we're going to do. If me pumping every hour because all those babies in the nursery make me absolutely miserable (if you know what I mean) is what it takes, then I'll do it. I don't have to breastfeed yet. He needs fat and if drinking it out of an easy bottle nipple is easier and cause less burnt calories, that's what I'll do! I want my man home.

I've gotten along great with all the nurses in the nursery. They are really great people and I really like them all. They really care about the babies and they call Bumble B by his first name, which they don't on any other babies. Christopher made him a name card with his name, some bumble bees, and a palmetto tree. The neonatologist even called him by his first name! At shift change they were talking about what babies they wanted and they called them each by their last name except mine ;). I've had a good time with them all and I feel so confident with his care.

Thanks again for all of the prayers, thoughts, support, comments, tweets, visits, presents, and well wishes. I am getting them all and LOVE them all. I'm sorry if I don't respond or respond really fast. There is so much going on and I'm rarely sitting still. I can't BELIEVE I got this post done at all!

Daily Bumble B fix ;)

Bumble B's Life Thus Far & Our Prayer Requests

I hope you enjoyed the arrival story. I really haven't even read it yet because I've been so tired and busy!

Things are going well with little Bumble B. He was measured and weighed last night and unfortunately it looks like they mismeasured his length at birth. He is 17 inches long instead of 18 1/2. Not that anything is wrong with that, I just wish it had been accurate from the start. He weighed 4lbs, 5oz! He has only lost 5 ounces! I think that's fabulous.

The first couple of days in the Level 2 nursery he was on IV fluids and not eating yet. He's now eating, and eating more than any of them can keep up with! He was at 12 ccs every 5 hours and 2 hours after one feeding he was begging for more and downed 19ccs! He is now on over an ounce every 3 hours! Which means he's pooping A LOT which is GREAT because it shows he's handling the milk fine and he has high bilirubin, so the more he poops the faster it'll get out of his system.

2 days ago his bilirubin was 8, yesterday it was 10, and today it is 15. So he's under a light and top of a blanket. I KNEW this would happen. It's SO common in even term babies, not even mentioning preemies. But of course when I saw him in the isolette with the lights and his little glasses I was so sad. I can't hold him today because he needs to be under the light, which is absolutely understandable. I did get to feed him. He was so so cute. He's had those glasses on his poor little eyes all day so when he got out he was looking around all over the place and SMILING so much. I don't think it's gas. I think it's real smiles :)

Right now we are so happy he's breathing fine on his own, he doesn't need any oxygen or IV fluids. Now we are just battling the jaundice and his temperature maintaining. He's staying in the high 97s, and we want him to keep his temp at 98.6. So that is the current prayers I'm BEGGING for. My little skinny man to keep his temps up and get this icky bilirubin OUT!

Also, if you have some spare prayers, please say a little one for me (and may be poor Christopher who is having to deal with me!). I am so incredibly blessed and thrilled to have my little man thriving in the nursery, but sometimes I have a really really rough time leaving him down there. If he's crying I can't leave him and sometimes when I leave him because he looks so happy I get upset as well. It's not natural to leave my baby anywhere. It's the most awful feeling I've ever had in my life. Plus the post-pregnancy hormones aren't helping a bit. I just need a little extra strength and peace in knowing that I am doing the right thing. Thankfully I am still in a courtesy room at the hospital, but as soon as they need the room, we will be kicked out. And if I have a hard time leaving him in the nursery to walk down the hall, can you imagine how hard it will be to pull away from this hospital? I'm not sure how NICU mommies do this for months, and I don't even want to imagine it.

Bumble B's Arrival Part One

It's 6:53 pm. I opened this page to write this post at 8:53 am. That's how it's been! And now it's 7:49....

Anyways! I think where I left off I was waiting for midnight Thursday for the fFN and cervical check. No changes, negative fFn! But then I was given terbutaline and it made me so so sick. I finally got to sleep around 4, and around 7 or 8 the doctor came in. She said my contractions were lasting for 3 minutes and the baby's heartbeat was decreasing every time.

She suggested a c section that morning. She asked me what I thought and I had no idea. I looked at my mom and said "What do I think?!" The doctor then said she wasn't really giving me a choice. So I said okey dokey! I wanted to do what was best obviously, but it was such a huge shock. Then I immediately started crying and crying because I knew he was going to be early. I knew he'd be fine but he might have to go downtown to the NICU, or even just be in the Level 2 nursery in this hospital for weeks. I knew I wouldn't get to hold him for a while and I became hysterical.

Then it all started. Cathetor in, anesthesiologist in, paperwork signed, kisses and hugs given, and escorted into the OR. Not only was I not ready to have a baby yet, I was about to have a C Section. A needle in my back and major surgery. The cathetor hurt so so so bad. I got my pidural which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I couldn't imagine getting it during labor and contractions though! They laid me down, did more stuff, and then I couldn't feel anything. I was so stressed and a bit panicky.

It was the most surreal experience I have ever been through. It was so so weird. I could feel them touching me and moving stuff, I just couldn't hear pain. Christopher was there and I think he was as shocked and as taken aback as I. Then they were talking about the baby. He was really really low, and I told them that I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that. Normally during a Csection they have to push the baby down and out. They had a hard time reaching in and getting him UP. He was engaged in my pelvis. They finally got him up and pushed him down and out. Then all I heard was crying. He started screeching the second he came out.

I have never in my life heard something so beautiful in my entire life. My little tiny 34 weeker was screaming immediately after being born. They lowered the sheet for me and I saw him. He was crying and purple, and that's all I remember from that. I was of course bawling crying. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

After a minute they took Christopher over to the table where they were cleaning him up and he stood with them for a long time and saw the baby. Then I started to have my own little panic attack. C Section is scry, especially when you are totally taken by surprise and haven't had a chance to totally research and prepare. So if you're preggo, read up on it.

But then! There was the most beautiful face I had ever seen in my life. Pink and fat. Just peeking out of a hat and burrito of a banket. There was my baby. MY BABY. LOOKING at me! I said hello to him and gave him a kiss, and he was whisked away to the nursery.

His stats came back 4lbs, 10ozs, and 18 1/2 inches long. He's absolutely perfect.

Now it is 12:15 am. This post has taken me 16 hours. I will continue tomorrow!

Here is his picture of the day ;)

My New Life

I really want to update! I have TONS of great news on Bumble B's amazing progress and my pumping/breastfeeding venture. BUT I am so tired and I need to sleep! I have become one of those moms. There is nothing in this world I want more than my baby, and not time for anything else either! If you don't understand why, look at this. I mean seriously, who could resist???



I promise bloggy friends, I will definitely update as soon as I get a chance!

He's Here!

My little turkey made his appearance in the world today. He is absolutely PERFECT and I'm SO in love. I will post tomorrow with details, but due to my current energy level (I've fallen asleep 3 times during this so far..., I'll just leave you with a couple pictures!

Spending The Holidays In The Hospital

Here I am... Hooked up to an IV in my hand, fetal and contraction monitors around my belly, and blood pressure cuff. Let's go back...

Yesterday was Christopher's 30th birthday! I wanted to make a super cute post for him yesterday. I had my prenatal appointment. I was 34w5d. At New Moon I think I may have caught a bug and have been feeling under the weather all weekend. It made me feel awful, and the baby was a little quieter. He was still getting in his correct kick counts, and was moving as much as text book says, just felt different. But for once in my life I WASN'T nervous. I was just tired of feeling sick. At the appointment I mentioned all this and she sent me to lunch and told me to come right back for a NST (Non Stress Test). Christopher and I came back where I was taken to literally a closet hehehe with the BIGGEST chair I have ever seen in my life. I was contracting the entire time, like I have been for MONTHS.

I guess seeing these contractions on paper finally opened some eyes. I went straight for an US. He's still really little, now 3lb8oz and less that 10th percentile. But fluid is good and he was moving great. I went to the exam room where my doctor checked my cervix. I wasn't dilated, he was at 0 (zero) station, (+3 is crowning), 50% effaced (that's the thickness. It's obv in half) and was very very soft, which is bad because if it's soft, it's very susceptible to change. So she sent me to Labor & Delivery for some more monitoring and possible steroid shots. The steroid shots mature the baby's lungs. She said I'd be there a couple hours at the most.

That was 5pm last night. My contractions were coming and coming and they checked me and I was dilated a fingertip, or .5-1 cm. I was given procardia. Procardia is originally a cardiac drug, but is used for stopping contractions. It relaxes the soft muscles in the body, so it should relax the uterus. It can also cause low blood pressure which can cause headaches. Before I got pregnant I had constant non stop killer migraines. I haven't had any since I got pregnant and seriously forgot what they felt like. So they gave me some phenergan + nubaine in my IV and a steroid shot in the butt (OWWWW To all of those btw, but I was so toasted by the time she got to my butt I didn't care hahahahaha). Then I passed out.

I was apparently checked again (still the same) and given more procardia. Through the night I still had contractions and this time they were causing little Baby Bumble B's heart to slow. In the 60s... So this morning I talked to the Doctor. She said she wants to get another steroid shot in (they have to be 24 hours apart) and then if he continues to decelerate during contractions, we're possibly talking C-Section. Tomorrow. At 34 weeks.

I've been on procardia all day and it was causing my blood pressure to drop and the baby and I started to feel really really bad. Just getting up to pee was causing me to have contractions and his heart rate to drop. So I was taken off of the procardia and not allowed to get up and use the bathroom (think bedpan!!! AGH Gross). The night nurse is going to let me try getting up so we'll see how that goes.

So there are more details I know I'm leaving out. This has just made me really really tired! Basically I'm here not going home as long as Bumble B is having these low heart rates. The doctors want to wait as long as possible obviously since he's so early to deliver, but if the baby keeps showing distress, they'll take him. I'll know sometime tomorrow what the new game plan is there. As far as the contraction meds... We'll see. If they start coming back frequently and intense like last night I guess they will try something different out. Which I'm kind of scared about because I think procardia was the less of all the evils... At midnight I get my shot. I'm also getting a test that checks for a specific protein that is released from the cervix when the cervix starts to "deteriorate" caled Fetal Fibro-something (too tired to look it up! It's an fFN.) and if it's positive it means I will go into labor within 2 weeks, if negative means I probably won't (well have cervical change labor, my water could still break or something). This way they can make a better game plan on how aggressive they want to be with anti-contraction meds. We haven't been able to do this because I can't have been checked for 24 hours, so I have to wait for midnight tonight. THEN I will be checked to see if there is any change in dilation, effacement, etc. The fFN results will be back in an hour or so and the doctor will talk to us in the morning about the next thing we're going to do...

Sorry if I'm rambling or not making sense. I'm going to try to get a nap in before the midnight festivities!

My eyelids, feet, and hands are so so so swollen from then gallons (it seems) of fluid they've been pumping in all night and day. I can't shower... I'm a mess! LOL. I really wanted to be the pretty labor girl and I'm definitely NOT!!!!

I'll try to update on @BabyBumbleB on Twitter. :)