I Love...

I wanted to be a mommy my whole life. I wanted a baby. I want to feed a baby and clothe a baby and change diapers and rock a baby to sleep. I loved to soothe crying babies and cuddle babies and kiss baby cheeks. I baby sat, had 30 cabbage patch dolls, tried to surround myself with babies every moment I got!

I knew a mother's love for her child was like no other I heard the moms say "I never knew love until I had my baby". I wanted that love. I saw babies only want their mommies when they were scared or sad or even just happy. I wanted a baby to want me.

I loved my baby like that the second I knew he was there. I felt that connection from the first fleeting thought of curls, rosy cheeks, and smiles. I knew what I would have with my baby would be extraordinary!

Sure enough, I had Austin. I loved him exactly like I knew I would. People asked me "did you ever imagine you would love someone so much?" I just smiled and shook my head each time, but honestly, I thought the answer "yes," every time. I knew how I would love him. I knew he'd be irresistible to me. I knew that huge vacant space in my heart would fill, and be overflowing, with this indescribable feeling for my baby.

The moment I heard his cry in that OR Thanksgiving morning, not knowing if it would be there or not, put all of the pieces of my life together. There was that baby, healthy and here, ready for me to love with every ounce of love I already had for him, have for him, and okay, probably a little extra that I couldn't imagine I'd have!

Motherhood makes me so happy. I love it. I love knowing the different cries he makes & knowing exactly how to fix it. I love knowing exactly where to tickle him so that he smiles and squirms. I love knowing that when he's sucking on his pacy & his eyes get really big, it means he's hungry & wishing it wasn't a pacy at all. I love knowing that he likes to copy me when I stick out my tongue or make AAAH sounds. I love knowing the perfect combination of swaddle, sleepy, and music makes him comfy & dreammy in his bassinet, but that he'd really rather cuddle with me. I love his exasperation when I text on my blackberry instead if singing his favorite song, which I love knowing is Father Abraham. I love weighing him every week and seeing him grow before my eyes with nourishment that only I can provide him. I love that "nom nom nom" sound he makes when he's nursing. I love noticing when he does new things, like noticing his mobile for the very first time. I love that he looks like me. I love when he makes new noises. I love that I know exactly where to pinch his cheeks to make him giggle. I love when he squeals because he's so excited. I love when he pees on me, even though it's gross, it's so so funny. I love showing him off to my friends and family. I love knowing they love him too. I love that I forgot my birthday because I was so wrapped up in him. I love taking hundreds of pictures of him & I love looking at them over and over again. I love that my instincts know exactly what to do. I love when I look over at him and he's just gazing at me smiling. I love that my heart melts & my eyes well up every time I remember that memory. I love that I feel this way about him.

I love being his mommy. It's the most wonderful thing I've ever done in my life.

Have You Seen My Beach Ball?

Another fun one... Poor Mr. Fussels...

My Week Long Cloth Diapering Journey

I don't even think it's been an entire week actually!

When I got my Thirsties covers in I was SOOO excited. I washed ALL of my prefolds & my covers and opened my Snappis and got ready.

Wow. I guess they don't call it "fluffy butt" for nothin'!

I tried the snappi method and it worked okay. I didn't like the rise of the Thirsties because they were hitting his umbilical hernia and I had to fold the prefold down in front, which made it super bulky. After that diaper change I tried to trifold it in the cover and at least 3 inches came up above the cover. So I had to fold down again, and it was just to bunchy.

I was HEARTBROKEN!

So I busted out the Bumgenius diapers and just used them. They are really bulky on him and he looks like a pear poor thing, but he'll grow into them.

Then a Twitter friend (@that_danielle) sent me some BambinoMio covers and prefolds. I'm in love. And I realized that I was folding the prefold vertically and should be folding them horizontally and they fit PERFECTLY into the covers. So I am going to try that with the Thirsties tonight.

Thirsties

I had a microfiber insert in this one and my FABULOUS Twitter friends said NO! It will totally draw all the mouisture from his skin and hurt him a lot! thanks girls!

Here's the prefold sticking out because I hated folding it lol

Bumgenius

His Banana Bottoms, which are a tad too big (they are fitteds) but I use it anyway ;)

Like I said in a previous post, we started cloth wipes as well just because we were going through wipes SO QUICKLY. I just throw the wash cloths in the washer with the diapers. Anyways, Sunday when we were out and about, I used regular disposable wipes after I'd been doing cloth dipes and wipes for a few days. Holy Diaper Rash Batman. It was ugly. So now I have to bring the cloth wipes with me! @MyNiftyNappy on Twitter suggested taking paper towels and doing my same routine with cloth wipes so I can throw them away. GENIUS!

BY THE WAY! Bumgenius and Cottonbabies have the most FABULOUS customer service!!!!

2 Months Old

Yesterday Austin turned 2 months old! It's so hard to believe that he's getting so big!

He had his 2 month appointment at the pediatrician's office. I really really wrestled with what to do about vaccinations. I want him to have them all, but I was (am) very worried about his small little body handling all of them at once. But I also didn't want to drag them out, I wanted to get them all done at once so he wouldn't have to go through all those sticks so many times.

I finally just decided to go with all three shots. Some argue that Hep B is an STD, but I have always understood it not to be, that sex is just the easiest way to transmit it, and if someone with Hep B leaves any trace of blood from a cut or mucous, someone could touch it & then their mouth, and then the rest is potentially devastating history. Austin already had the first shot at the hospital. When I was being wheeled to the OR the nurses were shoving papers at me to sign. Consents, etc. They handed me the sheet on the Hep B shot. I had not researched it yet, and I didn't know what to do. I asked everyone what they would do and they said they'd sign it, so I just did. Had I thought about it, I probably wouldn't have signed it. At that point I thought Austin just weighed 3 pounds. I can't imagine a vaccine being safe for him. Thankfully he is fine. So I decided to finish it because I don't want Austin with Hep B and he already started it... I did put off the Rotavirus oral immunization because he is stuffy. The pediatrician said he'd be fine, but I felt really really uneasy about it, so I put it off.

Of course he cried when he got the shots. Real tears too. It was heartbreaking. He calmed down when I picked him up and I immediately nursed him. I was so sad for him. He then went to sleep in the car and napped for a long time.

Then, he woke up. And cried. And cried. And cried. It was the saddest cry I ever heard. I gave him some Tylenol and rocked him in the recliner and cried with him. It was much harder watching him be in pain and not feel well than those days in the NICU. At least then he wasn't sick or feeling bad. Finally at about half an hour it kicked it, and he was old Austin again. He continued to be a little fussy here and there the rest of the day, but all night he was fine and today he has been great!





It was really hard watching him get those shots and even harder to listen to his crying, but I know it'd be a million times harder watching him be really really sick. Being a mommy is hard. Making these kinds of decisions and doing these things because I know I need to is hard. But worth it!

By the way, Austin weighed in at 8lbs 12oz & 21 inches long!

Please click this banner to vote for Baby Bumble B in the Top Mommy Blogs! Thanks!

A Look Back

This past week I looked back at my little baby Bumble B. He has hit 8 pounds, and is double his smallest weight. I look at him and I can't believe that he was half his size. I also could never in a BAJILLION years imagine carrying or giving birth to a baby his size. I was 9lb 4oz, my poor mom...


One Day Old

One Week



8 Weeks Old





What a blessing he is!

My smily little baby boy. (The end is the best part! I laugh every time...)